"Dealing with it"

Love is a four-letter word that crumbles most and humbles many. It is synonymous with pain and the distant cousin of lust.  I have been a victim of this poison twice in my twenty-five year history. The first time, my soul was washed away into a rotting pool of poor saps such as myself. The second time, which I am currently experiencing, is a unique feeling. At times I feel like I am on top of the world. Then there are days when I am drowning in my own tears wondering where did I go wrong.                                                                                                                                    

After the first heartbreak, I vowed to belittle as many women as possible. I wanted them to feel the pain I felt and for the longest, this was my life. Meaningless sex, and a few random dates sprinkled in between. It was not until a year ago did my heart begin to heal.                                                                                                                                     

Love was now back into my life and I welcomed her with open arms. Her beautiful eyes made my soul dance the Waltz. Her touch made quiver. Her lips pressed against mine and made men envious for miles. This was love and she was all mine. The problem here is that all good things must come to and end. After months of bliss, hate was released from its cell. A few miles later, he was back into our lives. I was living in a world of pure fantasy and now the real world crushed my spirit.                         

I am still in love, but hate has not left. This is a feeling I must live with to make love happy. She adores me and I her but hate is watching. She presumes not to know what I mean or say when I mention hate. Meanwhile, hate smiles in the background awaiting his triumphant return. Tears form out of the corner of my eyes as I think of hate returning. I wipe, smile and cry again. Love and hate were once a magical couple that dominated the Midwest. Now they live separately. As a man, and a lover, I know that all I can do is “deal with it.”